Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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