; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
