My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
