Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
