Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
