We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
