And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
