fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i barfeds in our rink
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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