Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
