just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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