just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
