This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
