when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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