**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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