i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
