Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
