i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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