Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
