You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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