he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
