I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
