@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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