I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
