i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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