i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
