i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
