why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
