I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
