I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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