Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
