I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
