Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
