apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
