:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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