Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
