so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
