He had one of those small greek statue penises
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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