We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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