woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
