is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
