you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
