your parents love me but you hate me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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