remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
