Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
