i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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