sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
