When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
there is puke in my bra ... again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
