i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Fuck appropriateness.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
