My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
