I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
